Crooked in Canada

Ask me what I think happened to Mariam Makniashvili and I’ll answer that her father might have murdered her, quietly disposed of her body, and then swore his wife to secrecy. Or, maybe I might answer that she saw her father (a man who up until her disappearance she had not seen for something like four year) as a bit of a prick and creepy, and she ran away from home. I think the latter might be the reality though.

If you ask the police that same question, they would probably say, “We don’t know what happened, but after a month and a half, we thought now would be a good time to you know, do what we should have done the day she was reported missing, seize the computers from the library at Forest Hill Collegiate to see if there are any clues on them that might help us find her.”

I really hope for the cops’ sake that her disappearance has nothing to do with a f***ed up student snatching her, because he or she would have had plenty of time to clean incriminating evidence from the computer by now, right?

Like WTF man, did the cops just think of checking out computers at the school, and maybe the public library near her family’s home?

Then there are the computers at the public library too, but it might be a little too late to learn anything from them too, right?

I hope I never have to rely on any of those cops to find one of my stepkids if they ever go missing in Toronto, not that they would ever be allowed to walk the streets of that filthy and crime ridden Canadian city, let alone travel there in the first place.

You know what else, Mariam turns eighteen today. If she’s a cheeky kind of girl and still alive of course, maybe today is the day she comes out of hiding and says to her creepy father, “Huh, I’m 18 now and there ain’t nothing you can do to force me to come back home now, ya sick f***.) I don’t know how you would say that in the language she speaks though.

You know what else, maybe she did run away to join a cult to get away from her father. I’ve heard that too.

Supposing she isn’t dead and buried somewhere, maybe Mariam, after her and her brother were finally reunited with their parents in Canada (the children had been living with somebody else for four years while their parents made a go of life in North America), was re-introduced to a side of her father she didn’t like, she was creeped out by him, and she booked it.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with her father Vakhtang’s story; he was at one time in Los Angeles, facing lewd conduct charges, something about him willfully and unlawfully, in the presence of a child…indulging in a degrading, lewd, immoral and vicious habit and practice when he was in a drunken stupor near a daycare centre.

He says it was all a misunderstanding though. Sure it was buddy…

He was acquitted by the way, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have some sort of perverted thing for his daughter, and that he has never acted on that perversion, now does it?

So anyway, if you’re still alive Mariam, and you happen to come across this blog article while googling your name, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, and may your life be one where you no longer have to be around your creepy father.”

From Crooked in Canada’s Email

WALK NAKED IN CANADA DAY

Don’t forget to mark your calendars.  As you may already know,  it is a sin for  a Muslim male to see any  woman other than his wife  naked.  He  must commit suicide if he does.

So next Saturday at 4PM Eastern  Time, all Canadian women are asked to walk out of their house completely  naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in  front  of  their house to prove they are not Muslims and to demonstrate  they think  its okay to see nude women other than their wife and to  show support for  all Canadian women.

Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is  further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment.

The Canadian government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.

God  bless  Canada !

It is your patriotic duty to pass this on. If you don’t send this to at least 5 people, you’re a terrorist-sympathizing, lily-livered coward and are possibly a national security threat.

And, at the risk of really pissing off the Muslim community, being labeled racist and accused of posting inappropriate content on my website, I offer readers this to tickle their funny bone:

Suicidal Muslims…(visit CYCLOBE to see cartoon that was attached to the following joke)

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide…

Let’s see now…

No  Christmas
No Easter
No  television
No cheerleaders
No  nude Women
No car races
No football
No soccer
No pork  BBQ
No  hot dogs
No  burgers
No chocolate chip cookies
No  lobster
No  nachos
No  Beer nuts
No Beer  !!!!!!!!
No alcohol of any kind
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he’s sick and there are no doctors and his brother just died.
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
More than one  wife.
You can’t  shave.
Your wives can’t shave..
You can’t shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
Your bride is picked by someone  else.
She smells just like your donkey.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

I  mean, really, is there a mystery here?

For those of you who have now been offended by the preceding, let me just say this, “Tit for f***ing tat. At least I’m not strapping on bombs and blowing people and things up with the hope of being rewarded with 72 virgins.”

One other thing, don’t anybody think for one minute that Muslims (not all them though) are poking fun at us infidels with nasty little jokes and cracks of their own, and of course, going out of their way to blow us up because we don’t see things their way when it comes to living on this f***ed up planet.

Hey Rena, you are a very, very naughty kind of Canadian girl, and I luv ya for it. Cheers baby!

In the Spirit of Halloween

So parents, do you like have a son that is a little on the effeminate side (the older the son, the bigger the girl by the way) and having a tough time deciding on a costume for him?  If you are, allow me to point you in the direction of the “Onion News Network” where you can watch “How to Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son“. Click here to visit the site and watch the video.

Crooked in Canada would like to thank Amos and Max Frey at The Onion for the ‘heads up email’ to editor@crookedincanada.com

Cheers mates, and Happy Halloween to all the whack jobs (I mean’that’ in the nicest way guys) at The Onion.